My heart flutters when I hear your name,

The memories flood back as the tears stream down my face.

Why am I like this? Why do I get emotional after all these years? Why do I still have feelings?

It baffles me that I could still fall for someone who kicked me around like dirt on the ground. It baffles me that at the end of the day, I will forever think you were perfect. It baffles me that although there’s this built of anger boiling in my body, I just smile and nod when I do bump into you.

What truly baffles me is that you don’t see the things you do to me, that you don’t acknowledge the pain I went through while I watched you move on so quickly while I was drowning in my tears. You say you’re sorry and I wish that was the case. But unfortunately I know deep down if you ever had any heartfelt love towards me, you would have never done what you did.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change everything, fix what happened. But when I do look back on the past, I know deep down you didnt love me. And it hurts. Fuck the worse thing to happen is for your favourite person to not love you back.

I wish things weren’t like this. Because God, those memories we created and the butterflies in the pits of my stomach fluttering by as you leaned down to kiss me. All of those feelings and moments with you, made me whole. I was on this rollercoaster moving up, and unfortunately I didn’t realise this fun jolly crazy rollercoaster ride would end. I didnt realise our love would end.